I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
