I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
