I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
