if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
