So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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