So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
