Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
