so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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