; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
