This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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