it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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