Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will be naked everywhere
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
