There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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