Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
