I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
