omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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