Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
