So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
