My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
