I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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