There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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