while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
