3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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