Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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