so let's talk penis.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
