Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
