I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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