he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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