I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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