We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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