then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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