Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
BRING THE BAGELS
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
