Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
