I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
