so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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