quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
should my penis look like a turkey
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
