Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
