My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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