it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
