I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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