Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
