Pants 0. Shit 1.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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