I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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