I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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