saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
