hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
