Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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