He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
