shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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