in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
