Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
