then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
